


why you always call me

by adeleblaircassiedanser



Series: Radioactive [3]
Category: Veep
Genre: Barebacking, Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, Feminization, Lingerie, M/M, Phone Sex, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Fantasy, although i feel like jonah would prefer the phrase "raw dogging it", fuckboys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:46:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6847642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adeleblaircassiedanser/pseuds/adeleblaircassiedanser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, sorry,” Jonah relents. “I’ll be serious. Phone sex. So I guess I should ask what you’re wearing, and then you can lie and say it’s something red and lacy.”</p><p>There’s a short pause.</p><p>“Would you like that?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	why you always call me

**Author's Note:**

> The title for the fic comes from the song "Shameless" by the Weeknd. You should go listen to that song and "okay cupid" by Kitty Pryde while you read this. 
> 
> This takes place directly after "so i'm exposed" and may not make any sense if you haven't read the other two parts.
> 
> ETA: This series now has an official mix: http://8tracks.com/adeleblaircassiedanser/baby-i-m-gonna-leave-you-drowning-radioactive-part-i 
> 
> Go listen if you're into that :)

Jonah is dicking around playing Xbox when he gets the text, trying to work up the motivation to shower and get the stale airport smell off of himself.

 

From: Dan 2:10:31 AM EST

_U up?_

 

Jonah forces himself to count to fifty before he hits the call button.

 

“Hey,” he says, trying not to sound overeager.

 

“Hey, sorry. I know it’s late for you.”

 

 _Hold up,_ Jonah thinks. Dan being apologetic and/or considerate is an immediate red flag- either he’s conning you, or-

 

“Are you drunk, dude? It’s a Monday night.”

 

“I couldn’t fall asleep. Keep thinking about last night.”

 

“Yeah? Can’t go one night without the D?”

 

“Shut up,” Dan says, but his breath hitches.

 

“Dan, are you hard already? I haven’t even told you what I’m wearing yet.” Jonah kind of expects Dan to burst out laughing. Is phone sex a thing people really do? It seems like a 90s movie cliche, made obsolete by the availability of internet porn.

 

“Getting there. I was trying to get myself off without texting you,” Dan’s voice kind of trails off, so Jonah’s left to fill in the blanks. _I was trying to get off without texting you, but I couldn’t. I was trying to get off without texting you, but it’s hotter this way._ And just like that, he’s on board. Phone sex. He tries to get himself in the mindset of the kind of person who has phone sex. _Phone sex._ He’s thought the words so many times they sound like nonsense syllables.

 

Finally, something springs to mind. They’ve played this one game occasionally which is like a devolved, even more oversexed version of truth or dare. It usually happens when they’ve been drinking a lot, maybe after the bar after-party after one of Selina’s events, when they cab home and pretend they’re going to split the fare. The way the game works is that one person- Dan usually starts- says something incredibly sexual. Then they go on by turns, blurting out increasingly more ridiculous fantasies- really stupid stuff, trying to one-up each other. The game usually ends in the foyer- behind closed doors, it doesn’t make much sense to just talk about getting off instead of doing it. Jonah tries to access that same feeling now, and finds it’s compounded by the distance. Without Dan’s eyes on him, without the worry that the driver might be listening even as he carries on a bluetooth conversation in Urdu, Jonah feels like he can say anything out loud, like putting words to things might make them even better, even dirtier. He pauses the game, flicks the living room light off, and goes to get comfortable on his bed.

 

“Jonah?”  

 

“You wanted me to know,” he says. “That’s why you texted me. You wanted me to think about you working yourself up. You wanted me to tell you what to do.”

 

“Yeah.Tell me,” Dan echoes. “Tell me what to do.” Jonah presses a heel against his crotch, just to take the edge off. For all he’s supposed to be in control in these situations, he wishes he were a little less _easy_ for Dan.

 

“I want you to talk to me,” he says. “You’re such a good talker, aren’t you? So full of shit. Tell me everything you’re thinking.”

 

“Mmm... okay. Fuck. I just keep thinking about last night.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I liked... how I was naked and you weren’t.”

 

“Really? Why?”

 

“I don’t know, Jonah. It was just hot.” Dan huffs. “This isn’t- ah!- this isn’t an interview. Have you never had phone sex before?”

 

Jonah resists the urge to crack up upon hearing the phrase again- every time the mental image gets more ridiculous. _How would you fuck a phone? A landline, maybe, there’s a little something to grab onto- wait, how would two phones fuck each other?_

 

“Um, no?” he says, and tries not to sound like he’s laughing too hard. “I’m a millennial. We had instant messaging. And porn.”

 

“Jonah, shut the fuck up. You’re barely four years younger than me.”

 

“Try five.”

 

There’s silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Okay, sorry,” Jonah relents. “I’ll be serious. Phone sex. So I guess I should ask what you’re wearing, and then you can lie and say it’s something red and lacy.”

 

There’s a short pause.

 

“Would you like that?”

 

Jonah starts to deliberate, trying to picture Dan’s face on a Victoria’s Secret billboard or something- but then he realizes that there’s something odd about Dan’s tone.

 

“I don’t know. Would you?”

 

“I liked what you said- about everyone seeing me. About how- how I’m just a pretty thing and everyone just thinks about fucking me. And how anybody could have seen us at the window.”

 

“You are way too pretty for your own good. Fuck.”

 

“I think I would kind of like being a stripper,” Dan says.

 

“Wow. Okay. That’s kind of a leap,” Jonah says, but he’s still thinking about pretty things, about Dan’s eyes and the light freckles that cover him everywhere, lovely across his hipbones even next to faded plaid boxers. It’s not a stretch to picture a more delicate fabric spread there, the texture of lace on his tongue as he mouthed at Dan’s cock.

 

“Shut up. Think about it, dude. You don’t think it’d be hot? All those people in a room, and they’re watching me. Maybe I’m wearing something lacy under my suit- but it’s the power. You don’t get to find out until I show you. Everybody wants on, but I just take my time, loosen my tie, undo my shirt one button at a time.”

 

“Shit,” Jonah says. He tries to think of a full sentence, something to add, but he’s harder than it should be possible to get just by hearing about some fucking shirt buttons, and he can’t really think straight.

 

“Are you touching yourself?” Dan asks, sounding smug, sounding turned on.

 

“Uh-huh,” Jonah says in the most dignified possible manner.

 

“Would you rather be touching me?”

 

“Oh, fuck yeah. Please.”

 

“Okay, fine. Just this once. I don’t usually let clients touch me, but just this once, because I like you-”

 

Jonah’s heart lurches. “Let me get you off. I want you to come, I wanna watch you come.”

 

“Yeah, it’s better if you do it, your hands are so fucking big, Jonah-”

 

“Gonna make you come so hard, baby girl, let them all watch, they all wanna see how pretty you are when you come,” Jonah says, and he’s too far gone to be self-conscious, has gotten into this in earnest despite himself.

 

Dan whines. “Fuck, it’s not enough.”

 

“What’s not? You need me to tell you again? How fucking beautiful you look like this?”

 

“No,” Dan says. “Yes. No, I mean it’s not enough, I can’t come like this, I’m so empty. I need you to fuck me.”

 

“I wish I was there,” Jonah says. “Fill you up, you take it so well. You like that everyone can see you taking it, don’t you? Use your fingers.”

 

“Okay, fuck. I want you to do it hard. You feel so good. Shit, that’s so good.”

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna fuck you hard. Fuck, I’m so close. I wanna come inside you.”

 

“Fuck yeah. Fill me up, do it, I want you to,” Dan says, and the idea of Dan wanting that, allowing that from him, even in a fantasy, does Jonah in.

 

He knows he makes some kind of loud noise when he comes, and he’s breathing heavily, starting to come down.

 

“Did you come?” Dan asks, and it’s only fair to finish him off in good faith.

 

“Yeah, I came inside you, you’re dripping now. Soaking wet like a girl, aren’t you. You’ve been so good. I’m gonna lick you out. You’re mine now, and everyone here knows it. They all probably jizzed in their pants, they’re so jealous.”

 

Dan is making noises on every exhale, no words, just sounds, which is a sure sign that he’s close.

 

“So pretty, baby. Come for me, sweetheart. Everybody wants to see you come. You’ve been so good.”

 

Dan goes quiet. He’s always all or nothing with it when he comes- either screaming out, or completely silent.

 

“Holy shit,” Dan says after thirty seconds or so. “I think I can sleep now.”

 

 _I wish I could kiss you_ , Jonah thinks, and he wants it viscerally. A minute ago, he wouldn’t have thought twice about saying that out loud. Now it feels like revealing way too much.

 

“Aight,” he says instead. “Catch you later.”

 

\---

 

Dan doesn’t call the next night, or the night after that. They’re texting some, but Dan answers only sporadically and usually hours after the fact. This wouldn’t bother Jonah so much if he didn’t know for a fact that Dan is _always_ on his phone, pathologically- sleeps with it under his pillow even though the charger makes it overheat.

 

After a week of this, Jonah knows he should probably let this go, try to be casual about it, but Jonah’s never been the type to let things go. In junior high his mom had made him go to therapy for a couple of months, probably misplaced guilt over his shitty relationship with her shitty new husband. His therapist had said his social problems stemmed from his mother’s “emotional unavailability”, whatever that meant. To be honest, his mom was plenty emotional, depending on what pills she’d taken so far that day, and she was always around. They were living off her trust fund and alimony until she could trap this new guy into paying the mortgage.

 

At thirteen, all Jonah knew was that people didn’t tend to like him all that much. Or at least, he always wanted to be liked a lot more than people were actually interested in liking him. Now, he tries to reassure himself that Dan must be getting something out of this, since he definitely isn’t sleeping with Jonah to further his career. In the minutes and hours after sex he’s able to build a pretty convincing case, based mostly on body language. During the day, though, Dan has always oscillated between horniness, friendly disinterest, and actively shitting on him- and that’s when they’re in the same time zone. Now, with only spotty textual and visual evidence, he’s less and less convinced that Dan is married to the idea of _him_ specifically (and god is that the wrong figure of speech to use). The point is, it sometimes seems like Dan could comfortably replace him with a couple of sex toys and an app that liked his selfies for him.

 

Meanwhile, Jonah can’t stop thinking about the weaselly fucker. He keeps getting the strangest urge to _buy_ him things, wants to be able to do it without Dan looking for the ulterior motive, without giving away leverage Dan can use against him later. He saw something yesterday that just screamed Dan, a really pretentious-looking face cream aggressively labelled FOR MEN and scented with fucking _cedar_. He didn’t get it, though, after thinking for a couple minutes about how badly Dan would react, even if he saved it for a Christmas present.

 

Every time anything funny or interesting happens in the office, or even on tv, his fingers are inching towards his phone before he even thinks about it. He needs one of those rubber bands to snap against his wrist instead, to try and break the habit.

 

The crazy part is- and it’s not like Jonah has a ton of relationship experience to draw from- but Dan would be a straight up _terrible_ boyfriend. Just ask any of his exes, there’s a trail of them a mile long in every office in D.C., everybody knows he’s selfish, moody, fickle as hell- but then he texts:

  


From: Dan 4:25:07 AM EST

_Think you turned me into a size queen._

 

And Jonah thinks… _Maybe._

 

“Dan would be a terrible boyfriend,” Richard says, and his tone is bridging the line between ‘matter of fact’ and ‘thinks Jonah is a moron’. “Anyone could tell you that. Even Amy would tell you that, and not just because she wants you for herself.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jonah says. He’s wondering if it was such a good idea to tell Richard about this whole thing after all. They’re out for brunch, though, and Jonah is three beermosas deep. Richard isn’t exactly known for his secret-keeping prowess or anything, but he is an okay listener and a good drinking buddy. Anyway, Dan is the one who’s so up in arms about keeping this a secret. Jonah couldn’t give a fuck- honestly, people knowing he’d plowed that would probably raise his stock as much as it’d hurt Dan’s.

 

“He is definitely out of your league in the physical appearance column,” Richard continues.

 

“Oh, thanks.” Richard shrugs.

 

“No offense meant. He’s very physically attractive, but he’s sort of... mean? And petty? And I don’t think he’s even seen Star Trek. I’ve made multiple references in his presence to test that hypothesis and he hasn’t responded to any of them.”

 

“Yeah, he’s big on non-responsiveness,” Jonah agrees. “You wanna get another round?”

 

“Two more for me, please.”

 

“Are you gonna finish your omelette?”

“What? No, you can have it. Just as long as we can talk about something else. Here, I’ll start. Who is your favorite Army general? They can be historical or contemporary. Mine is William Tecumseh Sherman. I named one of my fish after him.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love Richard Splett and if you haven't read splettnet.net you need to do so right now immediately. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked this. There is more to come soon. If there is specific filth you'd like to see included, let me know and I'll see what I can do.


End file.
